I am an intelligent girl.  I once flew through classes and tests with ease.  When an assignment felt challenging it felt great.

When I walked for graduation at the University of Utah,  four of my professors stood to meet me, two came down the steps to shake my hand or hug me.  Looking back, I am proud of that.  

I have been a substance abuser since 1993.  Or 94.  I used to fill my nalgene bottle with a mix of tequila and juice and take it to class with me.  In 2002 I put myself in a coma for several daya, the first of multiple brain-injuring suicide attempts.  I used hard drugs, heavily, intravenously from 2004-20015.  I have  removed the sharp memory and the cogbitive edge that took me through academia with so much ease. I am brain damaged, no doubt about it.

A few years ago I did a two day evaluation that indicated me in the bottom 7% when it comes to short term and working memory.  Iol.  It explains so much. 

Yet, the brain that I have has adapted.  The thinking I honed in school for 23 years lends itself to certain mental skills I have injured away.  🙂  what are my strengths today?  

I believe that I have left certain socially-familiar kinds of reasoning behind.  I recognize patterns.  In nature, in human behavior in politics in faces.  And I’m able to deduce or instinctally know what they are likely to mean.

It doesn’t matter if that sounds crazy I feEl satisfied that on some level it’s true.  It explains some things about how I function and why it confuses others. 

Dennis in my life.  He unlocked this for me.  Makes space for it.   He is too complex, and it is not my goal to describe that human.   Nor could i.

He is a major player in my life outside.


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